We don't talk about Bruno....where Bruno is 'a difficult conversation we don't really want to have or feel uncomfortable about but...think we probably need to have'.
Oh Bruno. It's hard enough having difficult conversations with your in-laws about Christmas, your friend who let you down, that well meaning but irritating person who gave you parenting advice or your sister who keeps 'borrowing' your stuff.
But what about difficult conversations at work?
Employers have to have hard conversations with employees such as when:
Their performance is not up to scratch or they're just not getting the job
A coaching conversation to improve behaviour - it's not quite misconduct but it's just not right
Investigating an incident where your employee is accused of something inappropriate such as sexual harassment
They didn't get the promotion they were looking for
Their role is no longer required
The organisation has lost trust and confidence in the employee
They've done something wrong and you need to give them a warning or fire them
See our posts Let it Be and What’s Up for some further examples when you need to have a Bruno conversation.
So how do you have a Bruno conversation at work? Many employers hope that things might just improve on their own without any intervention. Because of that little bit inside of us that wants to be liked and generally want to avoid difficult conversations.
But….
Three questions to ask before the Bruno conversation:
Firstly, do you need to have this conversation? This seems like an obvious question. After all, you've read this blog for a reason. But understanding why you need to have the conversation helps to frame your mindset walking into it and working out what to say. For example, I need to coach my employee about their behaviour. It’s been reported to me as a bit sleazy and people are starting to feel uncomfortable.
Secondly, what will happen if I have this conversation? This is where the fear, uncertainty and uncomfortable-ness comes in.
An employee might:
Get angry, abusive, defiant or refuse to accept anything;
Walk out or leave the conversation abruptly;
Cry, get upset, be unable to continue;
Appear to listen, say nothing, shut down and potentially not absorb what’s being said;
Listen to the feedback and accept it, make constructive suggestions on how to move forward.
If you have thought through each of these scenarios and how you might respond to them, you will be better prepared when you go into that meeting. Did you bring tissues? Does the employee have a support person? Do you have a support person? Do you have someone who can take notes? Do you know the details of your EAP service or other support mechanism that you can offer? Do you need to arrange a follow up discussion?
Finally, you need to ask what will happen if I don’t have this conversation? For many people the possibility of having the conversation and having someone upset, angry or walk out is too much. Hence why many employers avoid these conversations until it is too late. But what is the trade off? If you don’t have the conversation, what is likely to happen?
Behaviour gets worse;
Performance goes from not getting it to becoming a real problem;
People bring legal claims or grievances such as sexual harassment, bullying or unfair dismissal claims;
People are unable to attend work due to stress or other illnesses;
You don’t find out what really happened and make decisions based on, at best, incomplete or at worst, wrong information;
Staff become resentful either because they see you are not dealing with a problem employee or you are condoning their behaviour and/or performance.
Once you decide you need to have the conversation, how do you set it up?
Firstly: prepare, prepare, prepare. You have gone through the three questions above to realise you need to have the conversation, know what you need to say and why. Think about the outcome you are seeking e.g. letting Jake know that their behaviour is not acceptable and you need them to improve, letting Taylor know that making 20 sales per month is not ok, when other sales staff are hitting 100+ sales per month and you are going to give them more training and hold them to account.
Secondly, get the logistics right ahead of the meeting. Have you arranged for your company support person and notetaker? Have you sent the employee a formal letter or arranged a time to meet? Does the situation warrant the employee having a support person as well? Have you chosen a time and date where you can have the conversation uninterrupted and giving it your full attention? Have you chosen a place that is neutral and appropriate (even online)?
Thirdly, when you are having the conversation, have you created a psychologically safe place for the discussion? There is a whole body of literature about this. However, broadly, this encompasses:
Have you signalled the emotional tone of the conversation? Is this going to be a potentially challenging conversation? See if the employee is willing to proceed.
Set out the purpose of the conversation (this goes back to the 3 questions about whether you need to have the conversation). What is your intention for this conversation? What should it be or not be? Why are we here?
Check what is required for both parties to feel safe in the conversation. Is it a support person? Breaks? Tissues? Water? A separate room?
What is the result for both parties in having the conversation? Check that both parties are clear about the result of this conversation.
Confirm permission to proceed.
There’s both a good reason and an irony that Encanto’s “We don’t talk about Bruno” song has outperformed Frozen’s “Let it go”. Sometimes we can’t just let it go and we need to talk about Bruno.
Remotely Legal can assist employers and boards on all aspects of employment law, including preparing scripts and outlines for difficult conversations, advising on next steps in an investigation or disciplinary process, coaching your senior staff when having difficult conversations, providing template letters for each stage of the process through to conducting investigations and defending employment claims.
This blog is general advice only. Please obtain legal advice in relation to your specific circumstances.
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